Because God has a plan…

Yesterday I was discouraged. All day long I sat and I applied for open teaching positions. I thought that the very fact that I had passed my PLT exam was enough to sustain my joy, but it was not enough. I needed to find a teaching position. However, I didn’t want it to be just ANY teaching position. It had to be where God wanted me to go.

You see, I had a revelation 3 years ago. I realized that God had opened doors with a plan and a purpose. He would not provide the means unless he had a purpose. What I did not know was for what purpose my life had been planned out. I only had a hint at a promise that if God had set it into motion, He did not do so for it to come back void.

Add to this the timid hand that raised up saying, “I want to be used by God. Me. I want to make a difference.”

But I had started to lose hope.

Had I not prayed? Had I not asked God to show me where He wanted me to go?

But I could sense my hope fleeing and I did not like it.

So last night, I pulled my Bible out and I turned to Psalms and I started to read…

I stopped.

“God,” I prayed, “These are not the words that I want to hear right now. They just aren’t relevant to what I’m dealing with. God, what is it that You want me to know.”

And just like that, the minor prophet, Habakkuk, popped into my head.

“Really?”

I turned the pages of my Bible over to Habakkuk and I started to read: “How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?”

Whoa! I thought to myself, God are you trying to tell me that my prayers are redundant? You know this is how I feel?

I read through all the way to Habakkuk 2:3. Then I stopped. I pulled out a post-it note and I wrote these words on it: Because God has a plan, I will find a teaching job and an apartment! Habakkuk 2:2-3.

Then I prayed that it would be God’s timing and not mine, because Habakkuk 2:2-3 says: “Then the Lord replied: ‘Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.’”

I am a firm believer that you should read things in context. I am also a firm believer that God speaks to us in ways that we are not always aware. However, the very fact that it was this book that popped in my head and this verse that caused me to stop and pray was beyond coincidence.

Then today rolls around and this afternoon, I became discouraged. The jobs that I wanted that were local were filled. I told someone on Facebook that I was going to start looking into jobs in other states starting tomorrow. I walked out of my little study room and I walked into the living room, sat down on the couch, and I was in the process of revealing my new plan to my dad. That’s when my phone rang.

I looked down and recognized the phone number. I looked at my dad and said, “I really need to take this call.”

“Hello?”

“Ms. Bishop, this is Ms. Davis…”

“Hello, Ms. Davis, how have you been? It is so good to hear from you.”

“Well, I was calling to let you know that I am sending your contract in the mail. If you are still interested? You will start January 3rd.”

My heart stopped beating. I couldn’t catch my breath. I was trying to signal to my dad what was going on.

I had a job. It was the job that I interviewed for back in November. You know, the one where when I came back from everything up here seemed to have slipped into a sort of Twilight Zone or alternative universe and I just did not belong to it anymore.

Did I mention that last part?

When I drove down to Timmonsville, SC to interview for the job, I drove around and just looked at the area. I prayed all the way down there that morning that God would grant me a sense of peace if that was the right decision for me to make. If moving was what I was supposed to do, then God was going to let me know. As I passed by a cotton field (and there are a lot of cotton fields down there) I suddenly had a moment where I knew this is where I belonged. I could see myself down there teaching and writing. I just knew.

Then the interview went so well that I thought, “This is my job!”

When I came back home, I felt like an outsider. It was as though I did not belong here anymore. I think that is what discouraged me the most about trying to find a job: nothing seemed to be suitable. It just wasn’t home, even though I was home.

I have a job. I have a teaching job!

God delivered a job.

God will bring me to a place to live as well. I’m not sure exactly where or how. I’m not even certain as to how I am going to afford it. This next part will truly test my faith in God. I will be going down there with NO place to live. I will be going down there on nothing more than that revelation that I wrote down on a yellow post-it and stuck it on the wall.

God will provide.

I am so thankful that He has a plan.

A Translucent Life

Our lives are a paradox. We are taught dualistic views of how we should live out our lives. In one sense, our lives should be open and clear with nothing hidden from view. But in a strict contrast, we are told not to reveal too much, as there are some things that are better left hidden.

My life?

And in the midst of learning…

I went to church this morning and even made it in time for Sunday school. It was very interesting going to church after my talk with God this morning. As brother Matt delivered the message (we were studying in 2 Kings 6-7), he asked, “Why do you think that there is a gradual progression from smaller need to greater need?”

Everyone was silent. In my head, I was screaming, “Because Martha is stupid and needs to be reminded of these things!”

Instead of saying what I was thinking, I said, “Because it is to remind us that God can meet all our needs, whether they are greater, or smaller. They are all the same. And He meets them the same.”

Yeah. I know.

Here I have been

Break my heart for what breaks Your’s

“I don’t do well by myself,” I texted to a friend. Their reply during this conversation at one point was to spend some time with God.

Well, I did not heed that advice very well… well, not at first.

Don’t Look At Me

I received a message from a classmate who was asking me a question about a class. At the end of this correspondence, this person commented, “I admire you and look up to you. Even though you are going through all of this, you are still pursuing your education.” I paused for a moment and thought about how great this made me feel, but then I realized, “What if I disappoint everyone?”

There was a Contemporary Christian song that was popular about 8 or 9 years ago and the lyrics were:

            “Don’t look at me if you’re looking for perfection. Don’t look at me, I will only let you down.”

I can’t remember who sang this song, but the reality is that when we place our hopes on others, we will be disappointed. God is the only one who contains perfection… the only one who does not disappoint.

The reason why I am even contemplating this is because

The Song Within

I am trying hard to find the song that is hiding somewhere deep within my heart. I know it is there somewhere, but it seems so elusive right now.

You do know what I am talking about, right?

The song in your heart is the emanating joy that resounds from within you. It is the praise that rises up out of you and sings with all creation.

Maybe it is just the fact that I love music and love to sing.

I have walked around today and have burst into song randomly throughout the day. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

More importantly, these random outbursts of song are an even deeper reflection of

Like Haggar

I sat in my pastor’s office weeping last night. I poured out my heart and my worries before my pastor and his wife. His advice: The Lord knew where Haggar was and provided; He knows where you are, too.

I took that advice to heart and this morning I entered into a time of devotion and prayer.

Hello, God.

It’s me. Martha. You remember me, don’t you? I know. I know. It’s been a long time since we had one of these little chats.

I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I’ve fallen away. But had you answered my prayers…

You’re right. That’s not fair.

Well… I have a problem. I have no money. No place to live with my boys. I still have another year before I have my certification and graduate.

Lord… I need help. I need YOUR help. I need YOUR provisions… whatever that may be…

Then, this afternoon, I received a phone call. The financial aid counselor called me to inform me that I qualified for a Federal Work Study program up to $675! So I have the opportunity to work and earn some money. I think that I can apply for more aid, and I should be able to take care of my children and finish school. When I ended the call, I just wept and said, “Thank you, Lord, for finding me in the desert.”

God is always faithful.

A Matter of Change

It seems that for the past three years, one word has defined my life: Change.

Change is something that has been thrust upon me, whether it was the diagnosis and eventual passing of my mother from lung cancer, or going back to school, Change has been a large part of it. When we are faced with the inevitable need for change, we have two options: embrace or fight. Depending upon how we approach change, by embracing it and going with the flow or trying to fight against the current is what defines us.

For instance,

Life Lessons

Sometimes the lessons God gives us requires us to walk alone into the unknown.

God does not say, “This is going to be easy.”  He only tells us that we have to trust Him and step out into the vast unknown, trusting that He will be there for us when we need him.  Sometimes it seems as though there is no foothold for us to hold onto, but it is only when we get closer that it is revealed.

The picture to the right is my son.  Last Friday I made good on a promise that we would go to the top of a mountain.  I decided on Caesar’s Head, but on the way up I stopped at Bald Rock.  Bald Rock is rather unique because you can walk out onto the side of this mountain and have a beautiful view.

Of course, as you walk out, the ground slopes away from you and all you can see is the horizon.  It looks as though you are going to somehow fall off the mountain.

School Visit This Morning, Emergency Room by Noon

I know, I said I was going for light-hearted, but that is NOT how my day went.  I started out going to the Middle School visitation this morning, where I,  of all people, was late.  I hate that, but then, it was okay, too.  I was excited to visit this beautiful, state of the art, school in lower Greenville County.  The school was remarkable, the staff wonderful, and I think I may shoot for a field experience there next semester.

When we left, they gave us all goodie bags filled with a student teacher’s favorites:  office supplies!

A goodie bag filled with office supplies! A student teacher's best friend!

Of all the things in the bag, the post-it notes and post-it flags are going to come in handy the most.  I love the post-it flags to mark pages in my textbooks!  I go through alot of them and to get more as a gift was wonderful!

We even received a membership to the SC Middle School Association!  That was by far the coolest gift in the bag.

I did get a new keychain, so I guess I’m going to have to retire my Tony Stewart keychain in favor of this teacher keychain.  After all, I want to start getting into the teacher mindset!

Then, as I was leaving the school, I got an odd phone call from my husband.  I rushed home and found him unresponsive.  He was in severe pain, couldn’t walk, and I was unsure as to what was going on.  He had gone into shock from the pain. 

[Should I mention he has a low threshold tolerance for pain?]

I got him to the hospital and after running tests and X-rays, they had nothing to tell us.  The doctor had suspected, as I did, that his artificial hip had possibly dislocated.  The X-rays did not show anything conclusive, so we have to follow up with another doctor.  They think that the pain is serious, but yet, they are not sure what is the cause of it.

They gave him a shot for the pain and knocked him out which was fun.  The nurse came in and spoke to him and he giggled and said something silly that made no sense.  I told him that he needed to find me the number for his boss so I could tell them he wouldn’t be in this afternoon.  That was a hoot!  He would flip open his phone [I was on mine trying to call other people] and as soon as he did, he forgot why he flipped the phone open, so he’d close it and put it down.  He called someone else, too, I don’t know who he was talking to, but it wasn’t who he was trying to call for me.

[Should I mention he also has a low tolerance for pain meds?   ]

If anything, laughing watching him try to make a phone call 40 times, was entertaining.

I’m still worried because we have no answers, but I have to trust that God has a plan for this.  Even if His timing is not the best for me, but what do I know?  His is always perfect!