Resolving a New Year 2012 Edition

You knew it was coming… making resolutions for a new year. Well, without exception – and without stopping my own tradition of posting mine—I have decided to jot down my resolutions and post them for all the world to see.

First, let me say a few things about the year 2011…

2011 was a struggle. I was challenged to push through with my goals despite every obstacle coming into my path. However, I did manage to finish out the year on a positive upswing; one that I hope will continue through 2012!

Before I give you the list of my New Year’s Resolutions for 2012, let’s take a look back at 2011 and see if any progress was made.

1. Get a divorce. (Yes, this was finalized in June and from what I hear, he is planning his upcoming nuptials.)
2. Graduate from College. (Yes! I did it! And of course, I even found a job right out of college.)
3. Run a 10K. (Did we really think that I was going to find the time to do this?)
4. Try out for Liberty Idol again and make it at least 2 rounds instead of one! (I auditioned again. I made it again. I was out in the first round… again.   )
5. Reach my goal weight. (Uh, yeah, I still need to work on this)

So, I guess that I accomplished most of the things on my list. I thought that it was an overall success.

Now, in 2012, I resolve to do the following:

1. Be a successful teacher
2. Get healthy
3. Be happy

Just like that. No long list of things that may seem complicated, but instead, I want to focus on what is the most important at this moment: being good at what I do, being healthy so that I can do my best, and being happy for a change.

Here is hoping that in 2012 everyone accomplishes their goals, follows their dreams, and reaches for the stars!

I can almost see it, this dream I’m dreaming

Wow! What a week! It has been a huge challenge this week trying to balance my 14 week challenge and school. I didn’t realize how much stress made me gain weight, until all my dieting in the world and I still ended up gaining 4 pounds during the week. Then, I found that perfect balance and said, “I need to relieve my stress level,” and I added in my exercise. It felt good, and I managed to finish out this week with a loss of 1.4 pounds. It’s not what I wanted, but I’ll take it.

Why?

Because for the first time in 11 years, I am at the lowest weight I have been at. I’m happy about that progress. It has been difficult to reach it, but I did it. And you know what? I’m pretty proud of it, too!

And yes, school started back. It’s my last semester. I have 13 weeks until graduation. Yes, I’m counting them down, right along with the weight.

I said that I have been stressed with school starting. I think that it has something to do with the fact that I really abhor procrastination. I know that there were things to be done, such as setting up the classroom and such, but I also think that it is important to have a plan and an idea about how and what you are going to teach. My CT finally gave me a general idea of what I will be teaching so that I can start planning. I get all the lovely 9^th graders in about 3 weeks and I’m super excited. It is going to be a great semester and a wonderful experience. As the days draw closer, I am more convinced that this is God’s purpose and plan for my life. Teaching is what I was meant to do. I may have been stressed (physically and mentally), but my spirit/soul was at peace. I know that sounds strange, but I am at peace with my career choice. I have taken every opportunity that I can to meet and make connections for future job references. I am hoping that I can do more.

I stood in the front of the classroom and took a deep breath, and for once, I could almost see it. I could almost visualize that hazy dream of me in my own classroom. I can hardly wait for it to be a reality.

Today, as I was running, my mind just kept flooding back to what my pastor’s wife told me when I sat in the pastor’s office and told them about the divorce. She said, “When you reach the point where God is enough and all you need, everything else will work out.”

I stopped worrying about dating. I stopped worrying about finances. I stopped worrying about my family. I stopped worrying about school. I had to find a new way to restructure my life and a new priority list. I put God first. Me second. Family. Friends. Finances. Education. Dating? I’m not worried. And this may be the last time that I even put the word in a blog. It’s just not a priority to me.

Okay. That’s all for this week. I’m tired and I need to shower after running. Until my next blog, enjoy Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb.”

Just put one foot in front of the other

Today I donned my usual workout gear and went for a walk/jog/run. However, instead of covering that up with an oversized T-shirt, I sported my workout gear. I can’t tell you how liberating that was for me. I guess I am so used to hiding from the world and hiding who I truly am, that I’ve forgotten how to be my natural self. Life has been all about putting on fake personas to the point that I really do not know who I am. But today was all about changing that small fact.

I sat on the phone last night talking to Kyle’s dad for about 2 ½ hours. The great thing about talking with him is that he knows me and we are comfortable being open and honest with one another. We always were good friends. Building off of that again? I doubt it.

We were both talking about how we were trying to find our own separate identities. He had not had a break between our relationship, his marriage, and his recent relationship. He felt that he needed some space to find himself.

Me? I’ve found myself, but I’m still adjusting.

I’m no longer upset that Tony is happy with his new girlfriend. I’ve come to terms with the fact that everyone we knew thinks that I’m this horrible adulterer. I’ve even made peace with my self-image.

I decided that I would take a break from men for a while. I thought at first that the best revenge against Tony for divorcing me was for him to see me happy with some other guy. Because our marriage had lacked intimacy, I even thought that the only way to prove to myself that I was attractive was to find the attentions of men. The only problem with this is that it made me have such a negative concept of myself when I was rejected, or when I felt rejected.

It was not healthy.

I had too many things to come to terms with before I could move on to the next step of my life.

Weight loss has always been about my health. It was never about my image. Sure I joked about Fat Girl and Inner Skinny Chick, but you have to go back and look at WHY I started the exercise. I started because I did not want another doctor standing over me, shaking his head, and saying, “You are overweight and you are going to die.”

Sure, I used to get upset and become defensive when the doctors told me this! I used to say, “I’ll show them! I’ll stay fat and I’ll live! They don’t know what they are talking about!” I was mad! I defied my doctors. I didn’t care. But when I went in with pneumonia and they were running tests on my heart and he said, “The same neuropathy that causes you to lose feeling in your hands and feet is the same neuropathy that causes your heart to no longer beat,” is the day that I said, “I will no longer be this way.” My will to live was stronger than my will to die!

I was still recovering from pneumonia when I got on that treadmill and I turned it on. I could not walk longer than 2 minutes at a speed of 1.8 miles per hour. 2 minutes! But every day I got on that treadmill until one day- one year later- I was running. It all started with me putting one foot in front of the other and walking.

So, this brings me to my next thought: Anything that you want to do can start by simply putting one foot in front of the other. You can take the small steps to reach the BIG goal!

What is YOUR big goal?

I have many.

1. Graduate from college.
2. Obtain a teaching job!
3. Lose down to a healthy weight. (My 14 Week Challenge is to get me closer to this goal!)
4. Live my life to the fullest.

In December, I will celebrate my 1^st huge milestone (and I type this with tears in my eyes). I’m hoping that numbers 2 and 3 on that list will fall into place during this time, too! As for number 4? That is a daily task. Live your life in the moment and make sure that when the day is over, there are no regrets as to the choices you have made.

As for my dating life and men…

I’m in no hurry. I placed that in God’s hands. When He’s ready, He will send one to me. If not, then I will live out my days faithfully serving God. No regrets.

I once made the comment that if I were to ever be divorced, I would never remarry. I said that I would spend my time serving the Lord. The reason why? Because unless your spouse is like-minded, it would never work.

The right man would be someone who shared the same ideals that I have and have the same interests. If he plans to be with me, then he had better be prepared to hike the jungles of Costa Rica on the mission field, or ride a bicycle (or walk) to work each day in China. I do not know where God is going to send me, but the right man had better be ready to go.

So far, I haven’t met him. But I continue to pray.

As for now, my focus is on my four goals. I’m taking small steps to get there. Just one foot… in front of… the other…

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Lately, I have tried to find song lyrics to post as my titles. I think I’ll start posting the songs to go along with the blogs.

I couldn’t find the one that I wanted from the Christmas TV special, Santa Claus is Coming to Town. But this has the tune and the lyrics.

The Belly Fat Cure Diet

            Okay. Let’s be honest here. I am not a big fan of diets. I think that the very word diet lends itself to failure about to happen. So, my interest was piqued just a small bit when I watched Rachel Ray yesterday and she had Jorge Cruise as her guest on the show. Cruise is the author of the book The Belly Fat Cure.

            I didn’t catch the name of the book and I only caught the end of his segment on the show, but I was surprised when

Some Inspiration

I was looking over my spreadsheet that I made when I first started out on this weight loss journey and I was surprised that I had not taken my measurements since I last weighed 256 pounds. So… I decided to take my measurements. I was impressed. Since that point in time, I’ve lost 10 inches in my hips and 5 inches in my waist. It was enough to keep me motivated. I’m hoping to post a picture soon with an update.

Getting back to the heart of the matter

Yesterday as I was finishing up my 2 mile walk, I realized that somewhere along the way I had forgotten what truly mattered the most. In the chaos that is school, in the confusion that is my life, and in the everyday routine of my life, I had pushed aside me. How did I get shuffled to the back of the pack?

Yesterday was a wake-up call for me. I have had those before and I always heeded them; however, this time I realized that I can’t put myself last. If I do, I’m not going to be able to take care of the other things that my matter: my children.

I have so many goals that I want to achieve. My #1 goal is to finally be healthy. Of course, this seems like a mute point when you consider the fact that my body is turning on itself. But I plan to persevere. I. Will. Not. Give. Up!

With that said, I suppose I will start blogging more, as I need to make myself more accountable.

My plan of action consists of:

• Exercising more often
• Eating better
• Taking time out for meditation and prayer
• Stop worrying about things that are out of my control (“Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.”)

Today starts my new life. Not when I graduate. Not next week. Not June 8th.

Today!

My Apologies

Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while, but my church doesn’t want me posting in a blog. They feel that it …

Hmm?

They think that…

Hmm…

Well, you see, it is like this:

Did you read my previous post? Well, it seems that I was asked to sit in the office while being accused of seeing this guy in December, but the truth was that they had everything all backwards. But when I post things like that in my blog… well… When I post anything in my blog that is in the least bit creative, things get blown way out of proportion and then, I get accused of things.

I like my blog and having creative license over it.

I plan to post more here soon.

The reason?

I have so much to share!

And writing makes me feel better, and I missed having an outlet for my emotions.

So hang tight, people! I will return!

Beautiful

I do not see myself as beautiful. I do not know if it is the fact that I consider many things to be aesthetically pleasing, but beauty- real beauty- is something that seems unfathomable. When someone tells me that I am beautiful, I think perhaps their sense of beauty must be skewed… but perhaps it is not their sense of beauty that has gone awry, but mine.

Maybe it is because

Meeting my goals

I have to say that I love the fact that I can be in a room filled with people that I have known for years and still hide, because they do not recognize the person I have become. My weight loss has been dramatic. I look younger. I feel younger.

I do not know my exact weight at this moment, because I do not have scales where I am staying. I do know that the last time I stepped on the scales I had lost 80 pounds so far. I am now 80 pounds from my goal.

It has taken me a year and a half to reach this point in my life. Sometimes I wish that I had never given up the exercise that I was doing 10 years ago and perhaps I would not be working so hard now. Stopping is the fallacy that many people make.

Why do people reach that goal and then sit back on their laurels? Do they not know that to stay at that point they have to maintain?

I did not realize this. Of course, I was not trying to lose nor did I think that I was dieting. I was merely staying active. When I stopped, the weight came back.

Now I know that in order to stay healthy I have to have a healthy life and lifestyle that supports the new me.

New me…

I can hardly wait to see the new me! I still long for the weight to come off quickly so that I can see my results faster, but I know that is an impossible task. I also know that if it did, I might fall into that “resting on my laurels” category.

No. I think that slow and habit forming is the key.

It will not be long before I will be admiring my hard work for years to come.

Resolutions for 2011

Yep!  It is that time again!  Are you ready?  Have you made your resolutions for 2011? 

First, let me say a few things about the year 2010…

2010 was a year for changes. I changed. My physical appearance, my ideals, and how I approached the world. I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried new things. I stood boldly in front of classes and gave presentation without fear, because it is who I am now.

Though there were many changes to make and be made, I still managed to work towards my goal of finishing college.

But what about 2011?

Okay, so what exactly should I resolve to do this year?  Of course, I could go and look over last year’s resolutions to determine whether or not I actually accomplished anything.  So here’s last year’s resolutions:

1. Make the Dean’s List both semesters. (Made the Dean’s List for the Fall 2010 semester, but not the Spring )
2. Make exercising a habit. (Yes! I did this!)
3. Organize my house. (Well…. Sort of)
4. Finish my Kitchen. (I didn’t get to finish the kitchen because we lost the house, but I came close!)
5. Finish 1 manuscript and submit it. (Nope)
6. Attend the NASCAR All-Star Race in May for my birthday. (Nope)
7. Do at least one thing that I would normally be scared to do [because, let’s face it, fact is I’m shy and not outgoing]. (I did this! I tried out for the Liberty Idol and made it through but lost in the first round. I even blogged about it!)
8. Accomplish one thing on my Bucket List. (Nope.)

 

Well, I suppose that in following through with last year’s resolutions, I will resolve that in the year 2011, I will:

1. Get a divorce.
2. Graduate from College.
3. Run a 10K.
4. Try out for Liberty Idol again and make it at least 2 rounds instead of one!
5. Reach my goal weight.

 

Here is hoping that in 2011 everyone accomplishes their goals, follows their dreams, and reaches for the stars!