Resolving a New Year 2012 Edition

You knew it was coming… making resolutions for a new year. Well, without exception – and without stopping my own tradition of posting mine—I have decided to jot down my resolutions and post them for all the world to see.

First, let me say a few things about the year 2011…

2011 was a struggle. I was challenged to push through with my goals despite every obstacle coming into my path. However, I did manage to finish out the year on a positive upswing; one that I hope will continue through 2012!

Before I give you the list of my New Year’s Resolutions for 2012, let’s take a look back at 2011 and see if any progress was made.

1. Get a divorce. (Yes, this was finalized in June and from what I hear, he is planning his upcoming nuptials.)
2. Graduate from College. (Yes! I did it! And of course, I even found a job right out of college.)
3. Run a 10K. (Did we really think that I was going to find the time to do this?)
4. Try out for Liberty Idol again and make it at least 2 rounds instead of one! (I auditioned again. I made it again. I was out in the first round… again.   )
5. Reach my goal weight. (Uh, yeah, I still need to work on this)

So, I guess that I accomplished most of the things on my list. I thought that it was an overall success.

Now, in 2012, I resolve to do the following:

1. Be a successful teacher
2. Get healthy
3. Be happy

Just like that. No long list of things that may seem complicated, but instead, I want to focus on what is the most important at this moment: being good at what I do, being healthy so that I can do my best, and being happy for a change.

Here is hoping that in 2012 everyone accomplishes their goals, follows their dreams, and reaches for the stars!

Lessons learned in a year

What did I learn this year?

1. I learned that I am stronger than I thought I was.
2. I learned that forever does not always mean a lifetime, but rather it ends at the point when someone grows weary of the other.
3. I learned that trust is something that very few (take this as zero) deserve of you.
4. I learned that I have a remarkable younger son. It is he that has taught me what it means to extend God’s love, grace, and mercy.
5. I learned that I can endure anything for a short period of time, even if that short period of time turns out to be a year.
6. I learned that it is indeed a sweeter reward when you work harder for it.
7. I learned that you can find kindness in the form of strangers.
8. I learned that you can mend a broken fence, but that doesn’t mean that you have to leave an entrance.
9. I learned that the truth is not always a clear cut path, but that gossip is believed much easier because it is easier to reach.
10. I learned that despite what some may think, I will never be in this predicament again (whether it is money, living, or love).
11. I learned that my children are far more forgiving of me than I am of myself.
12. I learned that some lessons that are learned the hard way, are really the ones that teach us the most if we are willing to accept them.

Week 5 Update

Wow. I did not realize until today, how much I have gotten off track with journaling my weight loss. Sorry about that. I have been so busy with grading papers and writing lessons, that I completely forgot.

What else did I forget?

Exercise. I have just not found time to exercise. However, I did notice that when I started full time teaching, I started losing weight. I walk many miles around the room. I run from one whiteboard to the next. I’m constantly moving. And this week, my weight loss shows it. Of course, I have also given up carbonated beverages, such as, Diet Coke. I love the fizz, but it only causes me to retain fluids and weight.

So, no more sodas for me! I like when the weight comes off. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment.

Hmm? Wonder if that means that I will get to go and buy new clothes in a few weeks?

Hope so!

I can almost see it, this dream I’m dreaming

Wow! What a week! It has been a huge challenge this week trying to balance my 14 week challenge and school. I didn’t realize how much stress made me gain weight, until all my dieting in the world and I still ended up gaining 4 pounds during the week. Then, I found that perfect balance and said, “I need to relieve my stress level,” and I added in my exercise. It felt good, and I managed to finish out this week with a loss of 1.4 pounds. It’s not what I wanted, but I’ll take it.

Why?

Because for the first time in 11 years, I am at the lowest weight I have been at. I’m happy about that progress. It has been difficult to reach it, but I did it. And you know what? I’m pretty proud of it, too!

And yes, school started back. It’s my last semester. I have 13 weeks until graduation. Yes, I’m counting them down, right along with the weight.

I said that I have been stressed with school starting. I think that it has something to do with the fact that I really abhor procrastination. I know that there were things to be done, such as setting up the classroom and such, but I also think that it is important to have a plan and an idea about how and what you are going to teach. My CT finally gave me a general idea of what I will be teaching so that I can start planning. I get all the lovely 9^th graders in about 3 weeks and I’m super excited. It is going to be a great semester and a wonderful experience. As the days draw closer, I am more convinced that this is God’s purpose and plan for my life. Teaching is what I was meant to do. I may have been stressed (physically and mentally), but my spirit/soul was at peace. I know that sounds strange, but I am at peace with my career choice. I have taken every opportunity that I can to meet and make connections for future job references. I am hoping that I can do more.

I stood in the front of the classroom and took a deep breath, and for once, I could almost see it. I could almost visualize that hazy dream of me in my own classroom. I can hardly wait for it to be a reality.

Today, as I was running, my mind just kept flooding back to what my pastor’s wife told me when I sat in the pastor’s office and told them about the divorce. She said, “When you reach the point where God is enough and all you need, everything else will work out.”

I stopped worrying about dating. I stopped worrying about finances. I stopped worrying about my family. I stopped worrying about school. I had to find a new way to restructure my life and a new priority list. I put God first. Me second. Family. Friends. Finances. Education. Dating? I’m not worried. And this may be the last time that I even put the word in a blog. It’s just not a priority to me.

Okay. That’s all for this week. I’m tired and I need to shower after running. Until my next blog, enjoy Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb.”

Just put one foot in front of the other

Today I donned my usual workout gear and went for a walk/jog/run. However, instead of covering that up with an oversized T-shirt, I sported my workout gear. I can’t tell you how liberating that was for me. I guess I am so used to hiding from the world and hiding who I truly am, that I’ve forgotten how to be my natural self. Life has been all about putting on fake personas to the point that I really do not know who I am. But today was all about changing that small fact.

I sat on the phone last night talking to Kyle’s dad for about 2 ½ hours. The great thing about talking with him is that he knows me and we are comfortable being open and honest with one another. We always were good friends. Building off of that again? I doubt it.

We were both talking about how we were trying to find our own separate identities. He had not had a break between our relationship, his marriage, and his recent relationship. He felt that he needed some space to find himself.

Me? I’ve found myself, but I’m still adjusting.

I’m no longer upset that Tony is happy with his new girlfriend. I’ve come to terms with the fact that everyone we knew thinks that I’m this horrible adulterer. I’ve even made peace with my self-image.

I decided that I would take a break from men for a while. I thought at first that the best revenge against Tony for divorcing me was for him to see me happy with some other guy. Because our marriage had lacked intimacy, I even thought that the only way to prove to myself that I was attractive was to find the attentions of men. The only problem with this is that it made me have such a negative concept of myself when I was rejected, or when I felt rejected.

It was not healthy.

I had too many things to come to terms with before I could move on to the next step of my life.

Weight loss has always been about my health. It was never about my image. Sure I joked about Fat Girl and Inner Skinny Chick, but you have to go back and look at WHY I started the exercise. I started because I did not want another doctor standing over me, shaking his head, and saying, “You are overweight and you are going to die.”

Sure, I used to get upset and become defensive when the doctors told me this! I used to say, “I’ll show them! I’ll stay fat and I’ll live! They don’t know what they are talking about!” I was mad! I defied my doctors. I didn’t care. But when I went in with pneumonia and they were running tests on my heart and he said, “The same neuropathy that causes you to lose feeling in your hands and feet is the same neuropathy that causes your heart to no longer beat,” is the day that I said, “I will no longer be this way.” My will to live was stronger than my will to die!

I was still recovering from pneumonia when I got on that treadmill and I turned it on. I could not walk longer than 2 minutes at a speed of 1.8 miles per hour. 2 minutes! But every day I got on that treadmill until one day- one year later- I was running. It all started with me putting one foot in front of the other and walking.

So, this brings me to my next thought: Anything that you want to do can start by simply putting one foot in front of the other. You can take the small steps to reach the BIG goal!

What is YOUR big goal?

I have many.

1. Graduate from college.
2. Obtain a teaching job!
3. Lose down to a healthy weight. (My 14 Week Challenge is to get me closer to this goal!)
4. Live my life to the fullest.

In December, I will celebrate my 1^st huge milestone (and I type this with tears in my eyes). I’m hoping that numbers 2 and 3 on that list will fall into place during this time, too! As for number 4? That is a daily task. Live your life in the moment and make sure that when the day is over, there are no regrets as to the choices you have made.

As for my dating life and men…

I’m in no hurry. I placed that in God’s hands. When He’s ready, He will send one to me. If not, then I will live out my days faithfully serving God. No regrets.

I once made the comment that if I were to ever be divorced, I would never remarry. I said that I would spend my time serving the Lord. The reason why? Because unless your spouse is like-minded, it would never work.

The right man would be someone who shared the same ideals that I have and have the same interests. If he plans to be with me, then he had better be prepared to hike the jungles of Costa Rica on the mission field, or ride a bicycle (or walk) to work each day in China. I do not know where God is going to send me, but the right man had better be ready to go.

So far, I haven’t met him. But I continue to pray.

As for now, my focus is on my four goals. I’m taking small steps to get there. Just one foot… in front of… the other…

*****************************

Lately, I have tried to find song lyrics to post as my titles. I think I’ll start posting the songs to go along with the blogs.

I couldn’t find the one that I wanted from the Christmas TV special, Santa Claus is Coming to Town. But this has the tune and the lyrics.

Challenging Myself

Each semester has found me 5 lbs heavier at the end. I don’t know how I have managed to gain weight… Well, I take that back. I do know how I gained the weight. I stopped my exercise routine. It is the same reason why I think I have been so miserable lately. I just miss my exercise. I have managed to make it through the summer without gaining, but then again, I haven’t lost anything, either.

So I have decided to challenge myself to get as close to my goal as possible by the time graduation rolls around. Graduation is December 8^th and I have 14 weeks between that time to lose most of that weight. I think I can do this. I’m pretty sure that I can.

That means that I need to exercise AND watch what I’m eating. I don’t want to say that I’m dieting, because I honestly HATE diets. I think that it should be more of a matter of moderation and quality. If you put good things in, you should gain good things.

That also means letting go of my Diet Coke habit. *gasp*

I know. It is hard to go without your daily dose of caffeine, but I’m going to give it my best shot. I can recall a time when I did not drink ANY diet drinks. I did it once, and I can do it again!

If you want to follow along with my challenge, I have posted a page strictly for recording my success…. Or failure. It is listed under the page “14 Week Challenge.”

Of course, maybe I need to give myself a 7 day challenge to give up the Diet Coke habit? No. Just kidding. I’ll give those up and I’ll let you know how I’m doing as I post a reflection each week.

Reassessing my goals

How did I manage to find myself so far from my goal? I think that I have stopped doing the things that I know I need to do in order to succeed with my weight loss. I mean I know better than to not exercise, but I have reached a point to where I really just do not care anymore. Why is that?

Is it because I stopped making the effort?

Is it because of work?

Is it because I’m just exhausted all the time?

What is it?

Complacency.

I think that I have reached a point of being complacent and comfortable. This is not a good thing. I should never be comfortable or complacent where my health is concerned. I should continually be striving to improve. I have managed to bring my blood pressure down. I have managed to bring my blood glucose down (to the point where one doctor said, “How can you claim to have diabetes?”) Then of course, I can say that I have managed to lose 80 pounds and maintain that loss for almost a year.

However, the battle has not been won. There are more things to do and more pounds to lose. I cannot say that it is over.

Perhaps I need to pull ISC and FG out to remind me of the war that still rages within my body?

ISC would tell me that I’ve come too far to stop now. I’m almost there.

FG would say that I’ve come far enough and ISC’s goals are unobtainable and too difficult. If I stop now, I’m at a happy medium.

I know why FG would want me at this happy medium. It’s because she is still hanging on to hope and if I’m still this fat, she’s still here.

So… I think that I need to get back into my old habits of exercise and making smarter food choices…

Sounds like a plan!

 

The Belly Fat Cure Diet

            Okay. Let’s be honest here. I am not a big fan of diets. I think that the very word diet lends itself to failure about to happen. So, my interest was piqued just a small bit when I watched Rachel Ray yesterday and she had Jorge Cruise as her guest on the show. Cruise is the author of the book The Belly Fat Cure.

            I didn’t catch the name of the book and I only caught the end of his segment on the show, but I was surprised when

Some Inspiration

I was looking over my spreadsheet that I made when I first started out on this weight loss journey and I was surprised that I had not taken my measurements since I last weighed 256 pounds. So… I decided to take my measurements. I was impressed. Since that point in time, I’ve lost 10 inches in my hips and 5 inches in my waist. It was enough to keep me motivated. I’m hoping to post a picture soon with an update.

My Apologies

Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while, but my church doesn’t want me posting in a blog. They feel that it …

Hmm?

They think that…

Hmm…

Well, you see, it is like this:

Did you read my previous post? Well, it seems that I was asked to sit in the office while being accused of seeing this guy in December, but the truth was that they had everything all backwards. But when I post things like that in my blog… well… When I post anything in my blog that is in the least bit creative, things get blown way out of proportion and then, I get accused of things.

I like my blog and having creative license over it.

I plan to post more here soon.

The reason?

I have so much to share!

And writing makes me feel better, and I missed having an outlet for my emotions.

So hang tight, people! I will return!